Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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