Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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