what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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