An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
