Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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