what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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