D3 body, D1 cock
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
