singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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