He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
