Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
