whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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