i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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