There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
