All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
