the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
