enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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