I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
