the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
