She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
