this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
