i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She announced her abortion via fbk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
