Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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