I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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