Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
