tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
