? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
