Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
