You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
