I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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