did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
