Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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