hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
