Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
