I looked at my own cervix.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i out mim tonsoeep
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
