I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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