Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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