I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
