Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
