found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize