if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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