Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
