she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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