Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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