a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
