i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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