I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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