You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
