Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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