i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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