I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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