I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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