Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
