so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
