dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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