what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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