didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
