sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
