first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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