i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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