My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
