u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
