He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
