Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize