I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
