I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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