you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
