the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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