Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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