please come you make the beer taste better
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
