Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
