I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
