At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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