my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
