Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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