whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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