I heard we made out
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
